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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Motherhood Moment - Baby Hungry

We spent the day playing with some neighbors. Andyroo loved it - the little kiddie pool, a sprinkler under the trampoline, lunch, and a dance party. I loved it too. Let's face it, I spend most of my days in my nice, cool basement. It was great to get out and talk with other moms. One of the moms just had a baby about 2 weeks ago and one is about 20 or so weeks pregnant. Which is great, really. I'm so incredibly happy for them!

But I'm not pregnant.

And I so desperately want another one of these...

Don't you love how I was still taking pictures even though he was crying?!

A crying, screaming, colicky, pooping, eating machine.

I was fine admiring the baby from afar. I can ooh and aah just fine from 5 feet away. I didn't need to get close enough to smell that sweet new baby smell. Or to feel those tiny little fingers wrap around mine.

But my plan didn't go so well. About 5 minutes after we went out to play, she (our neighbor) needed to put the baby down and my arms were available. And it was all downhill from there. Anyone who's ever wanted a baby knows what I'm talking about. Add that to the fact that Andyroo was in the love with the baby and it was so sweet seeing him be so gentle with the baby and hold the baby in his lap.

It's not that I need to convince my husband we need another. He's been ready for more kiddos (he especially wants a little girl) for more than a year now. It's that we need more money. Sure, we could probably scrape by month to month. We could stay in this tiny little basement apartment and we could do without a lot of things. But I just can't bring myself to subject us to that. Maybe that sounds a little selfish? I hope not - that's not the way I mean it to sound. But soon after we leave the hospital, those doctor bills are going to start arriving - and the insurance we have is NOT that great. And I don't want add more bills that we can't afford.

But the good news is - we might not have to wait much longer. Hubby's almost done with the mentoring packet (by the end of this week, hopefully!)  at work and then he will be on the 0-6 month list for a promotion (he's waiting to be promoted to a restaurant manager). And THEN, we just have to wait for a position to open. I'm not holding my breath, though. We've been waiting for about 3 years now.

So there's a light at the end of the tunnel! But for now I just have to keep reminding myself of all the reasons we don't need one of those little poop machines. I just got Andyroo potty trained - which means no diapers! No 2am feedings. No extra bills. No car seat to lug around. Yeah, I'm really reaching for reasons here. Can you tell?

Anyone else out there have to wait to start/continue their family? What do you do to get through those longings?

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